A Friendly, Benevolent Universe

Tortuga the Tortoise

The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or a hostile universe. -Albert Einstein

This decision is a daily choice and maybe it needs to be made multiple times a day.

Sometimes this universe is the one that exists within our own minds. Regardless of what is taking place in the outside world, our thoughts can create a hostile environment in our immediate landscape, forcing us to steep in the ongoing movement of thoughts, synapses, information and stimuli.

The world is moving fast. Our minds are moving equally as fast and the changes that invite us to dance are happening more often than not. Perhaps it has always been this way, or maybe we are learning how to exist in the multidimensionality of hyper-space.

The choice to experience benevolence in our lives, and, in turn, bestow that upon others is a powerful discipline. In moments when we choose presence, there is an invitation for surprise and miracle to gently guide us back to right relationship with our thoughts and those we are sharing space with.

I have recently upended my life (again) and with a clean slate, chosen to start a new book of life. It honestly doesn't even feel like a chapter because so much of what I had been carrying in my backpack of rocks has finally released. This unburdening was equally devastating and liberating. Amazing how a paradox such as that can exist!

At choice, once again, to choose a benevolent universe or one destined to dehydrate my soul, I chose life. The multiplicity of realities coexisting on our planet is astounding and yet when I zoom out and recognize it, I am able to return to what it is that I want to impart during my time here on this great and terrible beauty of Earth.

 The last two years have forced a slowing down in my life, almost to a standstill, in order to truly and completely face the root of the wounds that were my greatest teachers. With messy grace, I isolated and let the wounds bleed out without cauterizing them. What I discovered when I finally got to the bone of the pain, was the necessity to move tenderly from the living membrane to the compact bone and into the spongy bone.

It was the layers of healing I had already done that forged the pathway to the very marrow. At the marrow, was the truth. Through hours of sitting with this marrow, I was finally able to return to the innocence of who I truly am and every character who played a part in the theatrical experience of the first half of my life.

Upon journeying through this dismemberment and feeling all of the unseen forces conspiring to provide the tools necessary to stich myself back up, I remembered simplicity and strength.

 I reclaimed joy and contentment.

 I evoked the sleeping dreams of untapped potential.

I reintroduced myself to love and trust in a way that felt honest and authentic.

The consequence of this exploration which has been decades (maybe even lifetimes) in the making, has been a "felt sense" of belonging. Not one that has me bouncing around in my own mind for proof that I matter to anyone else, or proof that I can, in fact, be an integral part of this earthly tapestry. Because of the influx of courage I received due to dissolving so many stagnant narratives and completed contracts with other souls, I could welcome the truest form of Maura. I see this as My Aura. A true reflection that I can finally see without the mirror of the other sending projections.

This has brought such wonder and awe into my life. New connections with people that don't feel like karmic debts being paid; rather, encouragement to fulfill the next iteration of who we are all here to become. I have immense gratitude for every single soul who has crossed my path. I have offered up that gratitude in prayer because I know that speaking from my heart is most likely not available to some of these people who were never really able to hold space for my depths and perhaps I couldn't hold them in the right way either. When there is forgiveness of self, there is a rekindling of a sacred flame, a holy light, that guides the pathway out into the great expanse of possibility. It invites the rawness of BEing.

Recognizing that the truth of our time here on Earth is to love, to learn, to experiment, to FEEL, to unite, and to slow down enough to be able to do any of this, is the healing.

It is the journey.

Dissassembling, dismantling, and destroying takes us to the pain places.

 When we are brave enough to sit with the pain without shapeshifting it too soon, we do, indeed, live our way into our answers and guidance. It certainly takes a cavalry of souls to help us along. Both the seen and unseen forces are often at work, nudging us to take chances, to make "mistakes," to dance WITH life and to rebel against the hostile universe we create in our minds.

The opportunity to clean up our inner temples (physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually) is the antidote to the messy outside world that we are witnessing. We may not live to see a wave of global peace in our lifetime, but that isn't a reason to block ourselves from using our full wingspan to get to know moments of peace that inevitably have ripple effects on the world at large.

I have allowed the resurgence of past enjoyments to return: dance, comedy, pottery, time with children and continue to feed my heart by spending ample time outside hiking, being with dogs and animals, studying Japanese, toning and singing.

On an evening walk a few days ago, I met up with a potential new friend. We came across a gigantic spurred tortoise moving at a just right pace across the grassy field. My heart lit, my eyes teared up and I was mesmerized by the weight this being carried as its home. Although he moved slowly, he covered so much ground and it was difficult to keep up! He loved having his hind shell scratched, wiggling his behind whenever he felt the pleasure of it, and continued on his way. Twenty-one years old and 300 pounds, there was nothing that could stop him.

Tortuga’s Sweet Shell Spot

His face held such peace and wisdom and I felt his transmission throughout every cell of my being: You are your home. You are what you carry. You can go at your own pace. You are cared for. You do belong.

 I welcome my unraveling and am also steadfast in honoring the suturing process as well.

There are still places on my shell that enjoy a good scratching and others that are still tender to the touch. One thing I know to be true, is that the light in my bones, the electrical circuitry of this human technology is magnificent and malleable, whilst also being fragile and impermanent.

Slowing down, savoring the gifts that are presented to me daily, and holding the amplification of love as my ministry are the tenets of a juicy life.

We are all moving along inside our shells, greeting the next moment.